Last month, McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski took on the Herculean task of enjoying a hamburger like a regular human. Describing the food as “product” on a “sort of bun,” assuring the audience that he will be finishing the rest “for lunch,” Kempczinski took a bite out of the Big Arch burger, then stared at it like a doctor’s note. As more videos emerge of Kempczinski attempting to eat his own food, a simple question comes to mind: Don’t you have clowns to do this?
Kempczinski’s video has kicked off a humiliation ritual as C-suite types from competing fast food chains strive to show that their food is not only edible, but enjoyable! It’s become such a sideshow for the internet that folks are hunting down more videos of Kempczinski sitting alone and eating sandwiches. In one, he appears to attempt some sleight of hand with a napkin and a mouthful of chicken.
On the subject of the online ecosystem, it does illustrate how Kempczinski is out of touch with his audience. I’m not just talking about the cab drivers, the last-call drunks who need fries to stave off the morning after, or someone just ordering a coffee to use the washroom. No, I’m talking about the true burger lovers of the world wide web. The silent royalty of YouTube, eager to throw each of these new menu items a parade from the driver’s seat of their car.
Kempczinski’s setup? A muted gray office. Likely his own but it doesn’t bode well how closely you need to look to make sure he didn’t ask everyone to leave the common area. Outfit? Not much better. He looks like Tintin’s uncle. Now let’s compare it to a professional, like Joe of Joe is Hungry fame.
In Joe’s Big Arch video, he’s showing off the hamburger like Xzibit just opened the garage door. Taking the Big Arch home to his den decked out in fast food memorabilia like it’s the Batcave but Batman targeted the wrong famous clown. He’s breaking down minutiae on the weight, juiciness and flavor of this sandwich like stock advice on cable news. He is eating the Big Arch to wedding anniversary music. He gives it a 7.0 but god, does he enjoy eating these things.
McDonald’s is one of the most influential corporations in the modern world. They were there when the Berlin Wall fell, eager to feed ‘90s Russians reconstituted chicken paste. They’re a forever fixation of American culture, from their nonstandard franchisees to reactionaries angry about what they cook their fries in. Their iconography, from Ronald McDonald to the golden arches, are shorthand to Adbusters types as the religious symbols of greed and imperialism. They have a trading card game.
Which is all to say, how far has Kempczinski fallen through his own ecosystem that he feels the promotion of these sandwiches rest on his shoulders? This isn’t “pink slime” levels of gross but the sentiment since his influencer debut has mostly been that it was an unconvincing pitch. The internet is capable of providing a human face for him, for McDonald’s, with Reviewbrah, with JoeysWorldTour, with Peep. Most of us eat junk food when we are hungry. The web has forged a new type of guy whose hunger goes deeper, to a spiritual level. They are the professionals of eating a sandwich on camera. The bigwigs at McDonald’s should know better than to disrespect their craft.
