Sometimes, the secret to a smoother journey, and maybe even a healthier relationship, is a split between couples at the security line. In his recent Sunday Times column, British journalist Huw Oliver coined the term airport divorce—a simple strategy he says can transform travel with a significant other from chaotic to calm and preserve harmony before the plane takes flight.
Newly engaged, Oliver admits he and his fiancée aren’t strangers to travel tensions. “At the airport we transmute, werewolf-like, into unrecognisable beings,” Oliver wrote of himself and his fiancée, Morwenna, in the Sunday Times.
While she prefers to browse duty-free ever so slowly before boarding—a habit that sets his nerves jangling—Oliver likes to stake out a seat with a clear view of the departures board, watching for potential gate changes, poised for that awkward half-walk, half-run when boarding is called. Sound familiar? Rather than let those opposing instincts ignite an argument, the couple tested a new tactic: an “airport divorce.” They split after security and reunite only once they are strapped into their seats.
“My fiancée was more for it than me, really,” Oliver tells Afar. And it went well. Though he admits they shared a few glaring looks at each other across the terminal, the time apart proved beneficial. “If you’ve already spent the whole holiday together—or you’ve arrived at the airport two hours early—there’s not much left to talk about. It gives you a break,” he says, especially from each other’s travel quirks.
That instinct to create a little distance isn’t unusual. According to a 2023 British Airways survey Oliver cited in his column, 54 percent of respondents said they adopt an entirely new personality at the airport. That may be attributed to increased stress: Studies from the Journal of Travel Medicine and the Journal of Air Transport Management show that travelers tend to experience increased anxiety in airports, especially in those with poor lighting, airflow, and organization. According to licensed clinical professional counselor Anne M. Appel, the resulting mood shift, while often frustrating for a partner, is a fairly typical response to the situation.
“Airports are stressful. They are basically pressure cookers,” Appel says. “You’re racing against the clock, standing in endless lines, and you have almost no control over what happens next. Add in additional stimuli like noises and crowds—and the fact that most are already tired by the time they arrive at the airport—and you’ve got the perfect storm for conflict to arise.”
Relying on competing tactics for dealing with this stress is often what throws couples into a tailspin. “What looks like a small preference—shopping versus sitting—actually ties into deeper values like freedom versus security, and those are hard to compromise on in a hurry, as we revert to our most natural tendencies and can dig in our heels,” Appel says. She sees strong potential in the “airport divorce” strategy—one she’s recommended to clients before, though never by this catchy name.
“Airport divorce is brilliant,” Appel says. “The genius is that it trades enforced togetherness for planned autonomy. Each partner gets the control they crave in an environment designed to take it away.”
However, an airport divorce may not be a solution for every duo. Appel says if one or more partners experience anxiety, traveling together can be grounding. “Being together provides a sense of safety, which helps to regulate stress levels,” the counselor advises. “It also allows the more confident traveler to model calmness and provide reassurance.”
If you are interested in trying the temporary annulment from your partner, Appel says the key is structure. “There must be a clear agreement on a meeting time at the gate or whatever is mutually agreed upon in advance. It’s not about being apart. It’s about managing unnecessary stress and annoyance that you know will result in conflict and allow[ing] each partner to show up at the start of a vacation in as relaxed a state as possible.”
Veteran travel agent Jonathan Alder sees the advantage of this approach too. He and his husband of eight years have implemented the airport divorce on many journeys.
“He likes to wander the shops, and I’d rather park myself with my laptop and not move,” Alder says. To avoid micromanaging each other’s time, they’ve developed a routine: a quick goodbye after security before each goes their own way. “I’ll text him where I’m sitting, but often we don’t even board together,” Alder adds.
From a logistics perspective, Alder says the real trick is timing your split. He advised holding off until after checking any luggage, in case weight needs to be redistributed, and after going through security together, to ensure you both clear TSA screening. Then, make sure you both have access to the tickets to avoid any last-minute anxiety, whether you’re the type who lines up early with the gate lice or prefers a leisurely stroll onto the plane.
Call it the only kind of divorce that might save a marriage—at least until baggage claim.
